Have You Ever?

When I was in youth group, we played a game called, "I never". And the object of the game was to say something that you had never done that you were sure most people had. For example: I could say, "I never went to the movies." And if other people had, they would have to give me a chip or piece of candy.  I was cool to learn about others by playing it.  I want to switch it up a bit. I would like to know have you ever felt God’s presence with you, a physical knowledge that He was there.

The other night I was thinking about my interactions with God and times when I knew that God was with me. I have shared earlier in this blog about how I came to my relationship with God but I will share it again if you didn't happen to read that. :) The first time I felt God's presence was when I was 12 and my father passed away due to lung cancer. I obviously didn't know why he had to die. And the obvious question was "why did God take my dad?". Thankfully, I had (still do) a wonderful friend that shared with me what she thought and that she didn't believe God had anything to do with it. We talked a long time that night about God and how he loves me and wanted a relationship with me. And she asked if I wanted to pray to ask Jesus into my heart. My slow analytical brain wanted to wait. I wanted to think about it. So, either the next night or shortly thereafter, I remember lying in my bed. I remember thinking about all that she had said and I remember saying (in my head) "well, God if you are real, then I want You in my life." And what happened next defies everything that the world tells us can be true but I know what happened! As soon as the words were said, a rush, a wave, a blanket of energy and peace came over me. I remember being so happy but crying at the same time. I felt different!  I was not in a crowded room full of people that may have carried me on an emotional rollercoaster. No, the Holy Spirit had come to be with me. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I felt God that day.
 
The second time that I remember may sound cheesy but, here it goes. When I was still working for the church (I was a youth director) I was asked to go to a Jubilate Deo Chorale Easter concert. I sat in the auditorium, in an aisle seat. As the music started the story was told of Jesus and him entering a city talking to people and healing those that were sick. And an actor that was portraying Jesus was walking down the aisle, stopping and touching people. I watched and prayed for God to touch me just like that man was touching those people. The actor walked past me and stopped, turned around, came back to me and placed his hand on my head. I knew in that moment that God had sent him. His touch was warm and strong and reassuring. And as I sit and type these words I am sure people will say I have lost my mind. (Actually, most of my family say that. :) ) But, I believe that moment was a direct answer to my prayer and God was letting me know that He heard me and that he was with me.

The last time I can remember feeling God's spirit moving through me was a few years ago I was in a bible study and I was asked to pray for the group. I remember beginning to pray and then I remember there was a momentary disconnect between my body and my brain. I knew I was praying but that part of your brain where you can have conversations with yourself was talking to me. I was still praying but, it was almost like I could feel it happening without me doing it. I know it sounds weird. But after the prayer was over I literally could not remember what I prayed and I felt tingley all over. I believe God worked through me to pray for them, almost like it was a speaking in tongues type of moment but I’m pretty sure it was English.
 
While I know that God's Spirit is with me, these three times I felt different. They were more sensation than thoughts, if that makes sense. Have you ever experienced God physically near you, or working through you? I would love to hear about it! Please share your encounters with God with me.

Traffic in Lancaster County PA

A retired teacher friend of mine posted this on her facebook page. This is where I found God today. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I did!

We decided to take a ride to AC Moore today so that I could get some yarn to finish a crochet project that has been taking me longer than it should to complete. It is my first crochet 'project', so I am slower than slow. We take the back roads as much as possible, and consequently, we encounter more buggies. Today we got behind a buggy that obviously had a loose wheel. As we came upon the buggy on a very curvy road (most are around these parts), we noticed that the driver's side front wheel was coming lose, and tilting more and more as it went round and round. I was hesitant to pass the buggy in case the wheel gave way (it figures, I was driving). Paul wanted me to pull around and let the driver know he had a lose wheel, but I was afraid to freak out the horse.The driver stopped, and Paul jumped out to help. Our new friend, Daniel, the buggy driver, asked Paul to hold the horse while he tried to fix the wheel. It was tougher than it looked, the poor horse wanted to go! The wheel needed parts so Daniel, the buggy driver, hitched his horse up to the fence by the house where we stopped and hopped into my Mitsubishi Spyder and we went to four places, finally landing at a buggy repair shop for the correct parts. We drove once past where Daniel hitched his horse so he could check on it. I remarked that maybe the horse was wondering what happened to him. Daniel replied that he didn't think a horse wonders. Then we laughed! He is probably right, but his horse did miss him, I saw it in his eyes! While riding around Lancaster County, we had a delightful time conversing with Daniel. He has 6 children and 8 grandchildren at the age of 50. He has 50 cows and grows tobacco. We talked about the economic state of our country and how hard he is finding it to be a small farmer. We helped him fix the wheel...I kind of held the buggy still and Paul held the horse. Daniel wanted to give us money! We told him we were glad to help. Paul even told him it was fun...well he explained further...it was a pleasure to help someone in need and that he could repay us by helping someone else (yes, I am married to someone who speaks like that, I am so blessed!). We followed Daniel for awhile until we were sure that the wheel would hold. He wasn't far from home. I do believe that God puts you where He wants you, and we should hold each day and each encounter with others as an opportunity to connect and give of ourselves. I sure hope I remember to do that when I am driving in traffic!!

Unpacking and Repacking

I have come to a profound realization! And I have my dearest friend to thank for the light bulb moment! This past weekend me and my girls had a sleepover!  My dear, wonderful friend who I have known since we were prepubescent, has twin daughters just a little older than my girls and, thankfully they like each other very much. So while our daughters had a sleepover my dear, wonderful friend and I got to spend some calming and relaxing time. (Thankfully our girls are a little older and we don't have to worry too much about them destroying anything or running amuck!)

After the girls went to sleep she and I were able to talk with some depth. Anyone with children knows that having an in depth conversation while they are around is like talking with a stutter and Alzheimer's all at the same time. My dear, wonderful friend was the reason I became a believer. She has been in my life for all my major questions and decisions in my life and, thankfully she is it here for me this time too.


While sharing with her my faith questions, I realized that while I am struggling with finding God in the world around me, my main struggle is that my beliefs are changing. My faith bag has been packed for a long time without periotically evaluating what is in there. And I realized the beliefs I have been carrying around I don't have faith in any longer and holy cow are they heavy!

I need to unpack my bag, evaluate each piece and see if it still is something I believe. I know there are a few things I will throw out right away. Others I will have to do some serious investigations to decide if they stay or not. So let the sorting begin!!

The Blue Vine Collective = Grateful Me

In my daily God search I have come across this blog.  In thebluevinecollective.org blog Ned Steele's explanations of the quips Christians say and why they are foolish is very enlightening.  Although, I am not sure I agree with everything written, I am excited to know that there are others searching for authenticity in our faith.  So, thank you Ned Steele for allowing me to see God in your writing today.

http://www.thebluevinecollective.org/2013/01/22/really-stupid-religious-stuff-we-say-to-each-other-all-too-often/


http://www.thebluevinecollective.org/2013/01/30/really-stupid-religious-stuff-we-say-to-each-other-all-too-often-part-ii/

http://www.thebluevinecollective.org/2013/02/06/really-stupid-religious-stuff-we-say-to-each-other-all-too-often-last-entry/

Ooo! It's a fight!!!

I am feeling pessimistic about my usually optimistic outlook on life! My concern, am I too optimistic? Is that possible? Or, should I be more of a realist? Or, maybe it is my usually optimistic attitude that is getting me into trouble. The phrases that my husband loves to throw back in my face when I am down are the same phrases I say to him all the time, "this could be worst" or "you chose to be happy".  If I don't have positive expectations about things then they can't let me down right?

 Maybe that has been my problem all along. I felt too happy about faith and religion and it has let me down. Just like my expectations for a society that wants the best for ALL people, it has let me down too. Because we all know that we don't live in a happy world where people care about others. We live in a society where, more often then not, people are looking out for their own best interest, not the betterment of their fellow man or woman. And lots of churches are doing the same thing. They don't want to help families where husbands are dying because they aren't sure the family has been "wise" with their money and they don't want to enable a family to continue to make poor choices especially if it is under the guise of charity. They might give the impression to the community they "serve" that they are just handing out money to anyone with a sob story and wouldn't that be horrible. (Can you hear the sarcasim in my typing?) 

No, I think my optimistic attitude must go. It just can't survive in this word.


Or... is it the other way around? Shouldn't we all allow our optimistic attitudes to get the better of us? Wouldn't we be happier, more satisfied individuals if we were looking for the silver lining in the situations we face? Wouldn't our happiness and joy rub off on the others with which we interact thereby, making our small world better? Part of me would like to think that the whole "Pay it forward" concept would work. So if I do a nice thing for ten people and they all do a nice thing for ten people and it exponentially grows until everyone on the planet has had their life changed for the positive. But wait! Isn't that how spreading the gospel is suppose to work? And last I checked, Christ hasn't returned yet right?


And so my pessimistic/optimistic battle continues. Wish me luck in solving this.

The Color Purple

I just finished reading Alice Walker's book, The Color Purple. Wow! What an amazing story. It is a bit difficult to read at times but the messages in the book far outweigh the painful parts. If you have ever seen the movie, it follows the same plot lines but, like most books (except for the Twilight series) there is so much more detail in the book. I highly recommend reading it if you haven't yet.

In part of the story, the main character, Celie struggles with her relationship with God and there are many passages that I identified with. So, I want to share two with you.

“Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show. Any God I ever felt in church I brought in with me. And I think all the other folks did too. They come to church to share God, not find God.”

 

 “Here's the thing, say Shug. The thing I believe. God is inside you and inside everybody else. You come into the world with God. But only them that search for it inside find it. And sometimes it just manifest itself even if you not looking, or don't know what you looking for. Trouble do it for most folks, I think. Sorrow, lord. Feeling like shit.

It? I ast.

Yeah, It. God ain't a he or a she, but a It.

But what do it look like? I ast.

Don't look like nothing, she say. It ain't a picture show. It ain't something you can look at apart from anything else, including yourself. I believe God is everything, say Shug. Everything that is or ever was or ever will be. And when you can feel that, and be happy to feel that, you've found It.
 

And so, today I have found God in a book. I will continue to search and be happy when I feel Him. 

 

What is wrong with this?

I am... I guess, still lost. I was doing well in my search for finding God daily but, then I got sidetracked. I started reading some of what people were thinking about Newtown being a hoax. (If you haven't heard this or seen it, search for the video. I refuse to post it here) Also, lately my skin has been crawling with the hatred I am reading online. How can people have so much hatred for the President and First Lady just because they were shaking hands with people on the tour of the White House. I saw comments of hatred towards them, not for the policies they have but against how they look and what they are wearing. And not just, "I don't like her hair.", but things so mean I can't bring myself to share them. So, I guess I have lost my way again.

It makes me sad to know all the hate my girls are going to witness in this world. I think part of my struggle in finding God these days, is there is just so much hate being flung at everything. When I was younger, I didn't hear abut how partisan the government was and Fox News and other news organizations weren't there spreading a total disrespect for the office of the President. New stations would tell the facts without bias. Maybe that is what is wrong with our country and why we are having all the shootings. There is no respect for anything, parents, teachers and people in positions of authority. If there is no respect for these things how can we expect people to have respect for life.

While I love the age in which we live where information is available at our finger tips, I find the use of technology has removed us from being able to interact with others and see how our words can hurt and wound. It is too easy to marginalize people and the human spirit to just a website, e-mail address or phone number with no feelings to be hurt or minds to twist. I can't help but wonder where our world is headed.

I would love to know your thoughts on this. Why do you think things are so evil now? Or do you think I am over thinking this and our society has always had problems and I am just more aware now.